I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
