just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
