threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
