i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
