Need sex. Gaining weight.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
