mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
