so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
