Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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