I wish my penis had an off switch
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
