just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
