I think I died a long time ago.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
