I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
