Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
