I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
