Your mouth is God's brothel.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
