i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
