wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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