it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
