Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
