At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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