yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize