i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
