It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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