Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
