I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
