You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
