If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
