Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
