Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
