WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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