uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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