somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
