I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
