Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
