apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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