I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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