Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I love how my cats smell like pot.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
