if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
