This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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