I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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