Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
