Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize