i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Your penis caused this!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
