like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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