I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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