Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
