Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i can't believe i had my finger in that
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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