I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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