Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
