I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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