some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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