And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize