I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
