I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
