Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
