i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I still have a little drunk in my system
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
