I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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