New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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