i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
