I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
