So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
