I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize