so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
