I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
