Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
