last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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