Porn is love you can see.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
